what's going on here?

We have been enjoying some seriously beautiful fall weather here lately. I know it will turn soon, but until it does, we're trying to take full advantage. On Friday we went down to Santaquin's South Ridge Farms pumpkin patch. It was the perfect fall outing. You take a wagon ride out to the field and then we all searched hard to find our perfect pumpkin. We brought them home and put them out on the front porch, and in the morning learned that deer like pumpkins too.


Saturday night was the ward halloween party (we'll post halloween pics later) and the young men were in charge of putting on a haunted house for the older kids. Scott got really into it and ended up putting together an amazing maze made out of cardboard boxes that you crawl through (and some parts shimmy on your tummy). There were strobe lights and fog machines (that may or may not have been responsible for the smoke alarm going off) and scary music. There were turns and dead ends and a secret room in the middle where you get candy if you can find it. There were black lights and orange lights and glow sticks and it was a complete hit with all the kids and many adults went through too.


On Tuesday Oliver had a friend over and they took the tent out back and rolled around on the grass. I was so grateful to have them doing this activity NOT in the middle of the living room. June still loves her Noah's arc bench and now that she's starting to reject her high chair and we're trying to teach her boundaries on where food is allowed in the house, wants to eat every meal on it.





Every afternoon/evening we end up with a whole crew of neighborhood kids playing in the sandbox. I feel so vindicated when I think about how hard I had to work to convince our landscaper that it needed to be bigger and bigger. He just didn't get it.


Oliver upped his game and started going off the black ramp (which is taller and steeper than the wooden one). Check out the look of surprise and terror on his face. Brenden was a little more timid to try it, but now he's fully on board. Amazingly no one has gotten hurt yet. I know that's coming soon.


When we're not outside, we are still in crafting mode. The other day we were at a fabric store (amid much protest I assure you) and Oliver spotted this cool guitar fabric. He picked it up so excitedly and asked if we could get it. We brought it home and he started brainstorming what he could do with it. Could we make a blanket, a pillowcase, an apron...? Then the perfect idea struck him. He would make a paper guy and make him a shirt out of it. Before I knew it he'd started cutting and gluing and then his guy needed a friend. He even made them hats (Brett -- can you read what it says on the yellow hat?!) and named one Oliver and the other Super Ammon. This kid has a mind of his own.

I'm not sure if this makes us the best or worst parents on the street, but we let the boys use their allowance money to buy airsoft bb guns today. They've been given strict safety instructions and lessons and warnings and consequences. I feel quite conflicted about it, and taking them to the "Weapon Blender" store filled with weird aingst-ridden teenagers dressed in camo who like to shoot stuff didn't help. To be honest I just kept thinking about how my nice brother Steve had a paint-ball gun and he turned out to be a good guy, so it'll probably be ok. Thanks for paving the way, Steve. I guess this is what it means to have boys.

wilco for a good cause

Hey check out these incredible auctions that Ryan put together to benefit Christian & Stephanie Nielson. They'll be up for bid for a week on ebay.

#1: Autographed Wilco Sky Blue Sky 2007 Tour poster, X-Large Wilco T-Shirt from the shows in St. Louis and A Wilco Now Sticker Package.

Starting bid is $5!


#2: 1950's Silvertone Acoustic Guitar Signed by Wilco

Starting bid is also $5!!!


This is real authentic wilco memorabilia that's been signed by the whole band specifically for the Nielsons. The band heard about their situation and wanted to help. This took some coordination to pull together so let's make it worth it! Go on and BID NOW! I know there are some serious Wilco fans out there.


p.s. I really want that poster

p.p.s. Read updates about the Nielsons in a couple of really great recent articles: here and here

disappointment, an open letter

dear friends and family,
as you most likely know by now, although i am a simple man, i have the mind of a great inventor. yes, i'm sure many of you have come to think of me alongside names such as edison, ford, jones and dare i say...epperson.

high school inventions such as The Lazy Stick -

this ingenious device allowed the user to turn the lights on and off while remaining comfortably in bed. sure, the clapper was a more successful product, but it was so "digital." it lacked the warmth that only comes with actual human-long stick-lightswitch contact.
(please notice the comfort grip, and custom signature)


college inventions such as the Intra-Apartment Security/Communications System -

(pictured here - Intra-Apartment Pay-Phone with Custom Security Gate)

workplace/recording studio inventions such as the UPSVB -



or the APD -



needless to say, my work has been prolific and wide-ranging. my motto has always been "i invent to improve the world, and hopefully make other people look ridiculous as a side benefit." (honestly, can you imagine having to call me in my room on a fake phone painted on the wall in the family room? everyone who came to visit me that year can!)

and so that brings us to today.
my love of the edge and corner brownies is well known. i realize that. so it is with great displeasure, and tremendous disappointment that i must inform you all of a great injustice that one, if not many of you have had a hand in.
most of you have been in attendance at one of my many presentations regarding the "maze pan." yes, years ago, the wheels in my enormous brain started turning - "how on earth could i end up with an entire batch of delicious, edge and corner brownies????" after all, who wants those lousy center brownies?!?! not me, and hopefully not anyone I associate with.

so how, HOW, HOW could you do this to me Christine??! why would you sell me out like this Rachel?? et tu Annee??!!!

imagine my shock and dismay when, amidst a perfectly lovely first-class Southwest Flight from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City, I came upon this in a magazine called The Skymall-


that's right. at least one of you has sold me out. it's too early to rule out a conspiracy, so until further evidence is found, you will all be considered suspects.
i am sorry to have to do this, but clearly, someone is guilty. OBVIOUSLY, there is no way this is just some coincidence. ideas like this are one in a billion, and I can't imagine that more than a billion people work for The Skymall. (i'll have to check into that)

So one of you is out there cashing huge fat checks based on my brainchild. which brings me to some dubious activity of late -

some people moving off to korea to live high on the hog. SHIPPING THEIR CARS THOUSANDS OF MILES!!!!!! buying miles and miles of fabric!! hmmm...

others jet-setting across great britain, france, greece, spain and germany with nary a care in the world!!!

still others off to the middle east. camel rides, hitting the beach at the sea of galilee like some millionaire, buying desks!

some move to live even closer to the ocean in sunny southern california, while others fly back and forth across the united states, working with big corporations and eating out often at CPK.

why, even in my own family, some spend thousands of dollars and countless hours on bead decorations, while others take time off to write a novel!

so what do we do now? how can we repair the damage done? how can we right this wrong?

reparations are in order, i think we can all agree on that. so i am requesting that the guilty party or parties, please, PLEASE, send me one of these pans immediately!!!

- scott

evidence of our craftiness

How is it possible that I can all at once feel like I have nothing to blog about, and at the same time be too busy to blog. Guess we must be doing something. This morning I paused to analyze what we were doing and if any of it was blog-worthy, and this is what I saw (believe me it is hard for me to publish these underbelly-pictures, but it's real life, right?):




A huge mess! And if you look closely, lots of crafting going on. I don't know what's gotten into the boys, and I can say it definitely did not come from me. I can be crafty in my own way but have not of late at all and certainly didn't teach them how to make shoe-box trucks or cut-out snowflakes or in any way give them the idea or encouragement. Every morning we find the family room littered in small little white cut-outs. Yesterday Oliver suggested he wanted to make a car like he'd seen on Nickelodeon but I sort of disregarded and before I knew it he'd found a shoe-box, convinced Scott to help him attach some lego-wheels, and pulled out the paints himself to decorate it.


Here's the other thing the boys are into:

Anyone recognize these from their childhood? We call them "bead things" and they keep the boys entertained for hours. Occasionally Oliver will get tired of counting or following the pattern and get really frustrated. There is a constant line-up in the laundry room waiting to be ironed and a constant chorus can be heard throughout the day, "Mom, can you iron my bead thing?" What the heck are you supposed to do with them when they're finished? Everyone who comes over (including their friends, our grownup friends, Grandma&Grandpa, Aunts & boyfriends) is requested and expected to sit down and make one of their own (and impressively they pretty much all oblige). We bought two big tubs, and every day I was watching the levels go down and the colors run out and actually thought I saw an end in sight. But thanks to Grandma Z for suggesting the obvious solution to the kids that we just "buy more". A lightbulb went on and they looked to me to say "Mom, can we?" and I tried to come up with reasons and excuses deterrents but today found myself in line at Joann's (my 40% off mailer coupon in hand) buying 6000 replacement beads of assorted colors, plus a few new shapes and a new design idea book. So it goes on (literally as I write there are 4 boys ages 5,8,9 & 10 all congregated around the dining room table working on them).

I've worked a bit to get us into the Halloween spirit. Thanks to Dan for the bushel of apples (any suggestions of what to do with these perfectly delicious tart crisp apples other than fall decorations?) which make fun centerpieces.



Oliver and June are settled on their costumes (easy ones this year!) but Brenden's still undecided. I'm working hard to convince him to be this guy. I think I'm close. He's also considering being an ipod. I could do that. Surely it would be easier than Herbie!

What else have we been up to?? We had so much fun having Grandma & Grandpa Z here and miss them terribly. The time always seems to fly by, but I appreciate so much their willingness (read: insistence) to help with the dishes, take the kids on outings, and help out however they can. We had fun celebrating Mom's birthday (read about it here) but unfortunately didn't really get many (any?) pictures of their time here.

I've hiked the 'Y' a few times -- once with the kids and then again with a friend so early in the morning it's still dark outside. I was surprised at how steep it was, but the view from the top (and the burn in your thighs) is worth it.

Scott's been working hard to figure out how to be a scoutmaster (he's camping right now, in fact) and I've been working hard to learn all about cub scouts as we've been re-organizing our whole program (and somehow I've ended up in charge). June's not too fond of the nursery at church, so looks like the transition's going to take a bit of work.



We've been following local, national, and other significant political campaigns. In particular wishing we were still registered to vote in CA so we could VOTE YES ON PROPOSITION 8. (I hate that somehow these days support of conservative values is interpreted as being racist; and support of traditional families is interpreted as bigoted.)


We've found 2 huge tarantulas at our house recently. So that's fun. One of them I saw on the sidewalk one night and panicked and since Scott wasn't home to take care of it I ran next door to the bishop's house. He captured it and gave it to the boy across the street (who was collecting bugs for his jr. high science class). Then this one Scott discovered crawling up our driveway trying to squeeze under the closed garage door. (I cannot stress enough how completely terrified Scott is of spiders of ALL varieties.) He lured it into a cardboard box and then taped it tightly shut and put it in the trash can. (Sound familiar Paul?) People say they aren't native here and get brought in on constructions trucks and that they're actually quite harmless. Whatever. Have you ever seen a spider with a shadow?!?!


The other day Scott was home in the morning with Oliver, and they were suddenly inspired to go out and build a new bike ramp. Turns out Scott had all the supplies on hand and is always happy for an excuse to use his tools. The boys have gotten a lot more brave and can do some serious jumps over it now.


Oh man this is way too long. I keep adding more because I don't know how to end it. How about this?

FIN

"Pencil"'s First Review!

October 7, 2008

What If Pencils Took Over The World, Brenden Laurence Wiley’s first step into the literary world is a bolt of lightning wrapped in an electric pencil sharpener which is then dipped in gold, deep fried and then brazenly dropkicked into the very face of neo-American literature.

Short, but far from sweet, What If Pencils Took Over The World’s first act is a bold, audacious two sentences long. Readers discover that there were computer chips and pencils, and that the pencils took over. Move over, Dickens. Computer chips are the new “best of times.” Pencils are the new “worst of times.”

This duality- pencil versus microchip, new school versus old school, digital versus analog, artificial versus organic- takes the 21st Century technological paranoia and modern anxiety hinted at by masterworks such as Radiohead’s OK Computer, Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, and Keanu Reeves’ Johnny Mnemonic and turns them squarely on their heads. For so long, writers have shown us technology gone awry; we’ve come to fear the robots, the cyborgs, the computer programs, the things that are trying to kill Will Smith. Wiley takes this tried-and-true literary device and skids a Travis Pastrana-worthy burnout across its grave. This time? The lo-fi wins. And wins big.

Wiley couldn’t be more topical. The unstoppable analog threat of pencils is a tragically perfect metaphor for how little our sophisticated technology can do against renegade gangs of bearded, lo-fi radicals in far-off caves. And, at a time when fear of lead poisoning has re-entered our collective consciousness, Wiley gives us an extended metaphor that makes George Orwell and Animal Farm feel like Bill Keane and The Family Circus. Pencils, the true personification of all the things that scare us in 21st Century society, wreak havoc in ways that are both familiar and brand new. Planes fly into beloved New York City landmarks! Superheroes are laid to waste in ways that defy description! Pencils are driving cars! PENCILS HAVE PROPELLERS!?!

Before it gets too heavy and dark, though, Wiley takes a page from pop-inflected authors like Chuck Palahniuk and Nick Hornby, peppering the story with familiar pop culture characters and references. Superman. Batman. The Joker. The recently reformed Police. Yet, in a genius postmodern zag, neither the classic heroes nor the villain nor Sting Almighty can save us.

Like any debut work, it’s not hard to spot the influences that seep into young Wiley’s writing. The influence of Wiley’s father, a well-known Chicken Little of the turn of the century, and his apocalyptic leanings practically burn across the page in searing strands of genetic code. There are other influences, to be sure, but few so ominpresent.

The postmodern irony of writing a story about the victory of pencils over computer chips (and civilization, for that matter) on a word processing program is inescapable. And visionary. This is, dare I say, the first great American story for Generation Z- the same as The Great Gatsby, On The Road, and Catcher In The Rye. All by an unassuming young author who’s effortlessly revolutionizing the short story genre between bike rides and Guitar Hero. And the world, ready or not, screams in terror.

Paul Jacobsen - Badger Mountain Herald

What If Pencils Took Over The World

this was found by Sarah in Brenden's pile of school papers today -

about the author:
Brenden Laurence Wiley's early work went largely unnoticed, until in October 2008, his short story about malicious writing utensils catapulted him to the forefront of American fiction writing, garnering numerous awards and the prestigious Junioraudio Prize for the Most Mentions of the Act of Screaming in Terror. Mr Wiley is a graduate of the esteemed Calvary Pre-School of South Pasadena, going on to earn his Doctorate of Playground at the revered Wasatch School for Kindergarden Kids. B.L.Wiley lives in Provo, Utah with his parents, 2 younger siblings, his bike and his lego collection.

next stop - x games

so we've had this plastic jump for nearly a year now, and although it has been used by many of the kids in the neighborhood, Oliver has really been the only one to attempt any actual daredevil maneuvers. You may remember the show he put on for the neighborhood.

Well, the other day Oliver decided to see what he could do on his bike -


it wasn't long before Brenden had a go -


by the end of the day both boys were clearing the whole thing, landing on the sidewalk. Of course, it didn't come free of tears. At one point Oliver wanted to show Bishop Snow, our next door neighbor, how high he could jump. A little extra speed and a wobbly landing left Oliver lying in the planter, wrapped around a rose bush, and Brenden found himself lying on his side with his bike on top of him at one point.
They're boys, no pain no gain right?

A Wiley Weekend

Is that title cheesy enough for you?!

A few weekends ago Scott's parents Webb & Laurel came to visit us and to wish Brenden a happy 9th Birthday. We were glad to have perfect weather and had a really great time hanging out with them. It was a real treat.

They arrived on Friday afternoon, taking the scenic route from the airport through Park City to enjoy a little fall foliage. Then they joined us at the Wasatch Elementary Fall Festival where Laurel got into a bidding war in the silent auction for this adorable turtle. Needless to say she won and we found the perfect spot for him in the back yard. I like this type of pet much more than the real ones that escape while you're cleaning their tank and you can't open Christmas presents until you find them trapped behind the water machine. You know... that kind. Laurel also got this great mini Noah's Ark bench which has quickly become one of June's favorite spots.

On Friday night we made a nice dinner and tried to eat out on the back porch. We got the whole table set and started eating, but pretty soon we had to admit that light mist in the air was turning into actual rain and we were forced to move everything back indoors. On Saturday morning we took another stab at eating breakfast outside only to have the exact same thing happen again -- and then as soon as we had everything moved back indoors the rain stopped. Oh well.

Saturday afternoon there was a bit of pinewood derby car sanding & priming to do, and then an outing to the hobby store and the Provo Bakery -- two of Webb's favorite spots in town. Also a stop in to check out these super cool cars built right here in Provo.






Saturday night we all went to Thanksgiving point to watch Scott play a show with Paul Jacobsen & the Madison Arm, opening for Peter Breinholt. It was a beautiful evening. Paul's set was awesome and the setting was inspiring and the company delightful. The kids did great, including June who ate her entire body mass in kettlecorn (but that kept her occupied so it was totally worth it).



Sunday morning we got up bright and early and went up for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir broadcast of Music and the Spoken Word. It was at the Conference Center and couldn't have been easier to do. (Why haven't we done it sooner?!) Oliver, June & I walked around the grounds while Scott, Webb, Laurel & Brenden got 8th row seats right behind President Monson.







After the broadcast, we spent a little time walking around downtown, seeing the visitor's center and the view from the roof of the conference center, before walking down Main Street to the Grand America Hotel to enjoy their amazing Sunday brunch. June particularly enjoyed the dessert station.




Later that day Aunts Christine and Rachel came over to celebrate the final installment of Brenden's nearly 3 week birthday celebration. After a friends party at Seven Peaks, a family outing to Boondocks, treats at school and church, and a family party at home, I think he feels duly feted.

Pinewood Derby

Just last Wednesday was the Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. Oliver and Brenden and I had been working on cars for nearly a month so it was eagerly anticipated.

Both Oliver and Brenden decided they wanted their cars to look like old stock cars. After some searching on the interweb, they found some pitcures they liked and we drew the plans on the wood blocks. Here are the boys soon after cutting out the cars from the blocks -


Next it was time to sand. Turns out little boys aren't all that interested in doing a whole lot of manual labor. Nonetheless, lots of prompting and persuading, and some great help from Grandpa Wiley got the cars to the point of being ready for paint. Here is Brenden's car after painting -


Please notice a) the wheel wells-the boys really wanted the cars to have wheel wells, so we bought an extra kit and cut it in fourths and glued those to the sides of their cars, so we could have the extra width needed b) Grandpa Wiley had the great idea of using shiny black paint to make windows.

Next up - stickers. Each boy had definite ideas for colors and look - this is what they came up with:


Oliver's has the white stripes, while Brenden's has red.

Final step - wheels -


what's that?? no, of course you can't just leave the wheels black. cmon man.







and finally -


- scott